Did you chance to grab the 60 th Annual Emmy Awards the night? We all learned something that night. We heard that using five reality show hosts as emcees for the Emmys is all about as amusing as a obituary webpage. Let’s fact it, Jeff Probst would be to humor as Don Rickles will be to praise. The most awesome thing is that the funniest bit on the Emmys was Josh Groban singing old TV theme songs.
I miss the times of the great Emmy shows with hosts such as oscars Johnny Carson. Those were the days before approval speeches were whittled to forty-five minutes along with the winner would invite everybody from the manufacturers into the authors, by the co stars to family members, from Hosea to Cleveland Amory, by their very first grade teacher for their blessed shower cap. With approval speeches like that, it was no wonder the Emmy Awards could wind close enough to preempt Captain Kangaroo.
I remember watching Dick Van Dyke winning for Best Actor in a Comedy Series. I will still find the surprise look on his face when his name was called, his genuine adoration because of his cast and crew as he cried through his acceptance speech and also the reflection of those lights, glaring back at the camera lens, then off the decoration.
That is when I decided I wanted one of them. I wanted to stand before my peers and knock off some well-prepared, glib opinions about show business. I needed to thank everybody else under the sun in making that second unique. I wrote my acceptance speech that night.
Unfortunately my acting career came to an abrupt stop after an insensitive director, at a community theatre audition for The Odd Couple, said that my dramatic ability could only be compared to this of Lawrence. “Olivier?” I asked. “No. Moe and Curly’s sidekick,” was his reply.
I was astonished. I thought my reading Oscar Madison was first coined. The director agreed that “it was similar to being procured into a girder using red, hot bolts of alloy.”
As I sat in the crowd and observed the operation of this Odd Couple (Billy Kunkle, ” the manager’s live in secretary got the part of Oscar), I detected that the laughs it was getting. That is when I noticed any live-in secretary may function as an actor, however to be in a position to generate these lines and such intriguing characters has been the true challenge.
It had been then that I determined to hell with behaving, I’m going to become a writer. I’m going to get my Emmy by writing a great script or some popular show.
I began writing scripts for the most popular shows of this moment: Murphy Brown, Home Improvement, The Wonder Years, Coach, Wings, Frasier. My aspirations soared once I got a representative interested in my work. But, my ambitions plummeted when it had been discovered my representative was detained for Revenue Tax evasion and wouldn’t be out before the ’98-’99 season.
Fast forward to this year. Another year has come and gone along with my mantle remains empty. Well, there exists a pair of bookends with no books between them, and also a ceramic bust of a person who’s assumed to be Mark Twain, however, seems like Don King, but no Emmy.
Therefore, only if my time to jump up with pleasure and weep openly at the Awards Ceremonies never comes, I’d really like that you hear my own acceptance speech.
To begin with, I’d start by saying, “I’m going to avoid all the old clichés and simply say I would like to thank the Academy, the hardworking manufacturers, celebrities and crew of (NAME OF SHOW TO BE FILLED IN HERE) for their support. It’s an honour simply to have been nominated. To all those of you that were nominated with me personally, I share this award with you. It’s a pleasure to be nominated this beautifully talented company. My thanks to my mother and father for having me, my partner for inviting me, and also my representative in making bail. Receiving this award means that you want me you, love me.
Before I proceed, there is 1 person I’d enjoy to thank you, someone that helped me early in my own career. I want to thank the lady at the Quickie Print Copy Shop for making copies of my spec scripts to send to representatives. What’s this? Yes, forty-five seconds do proceed quite quickly, Mr. Probst. Thanks again. I really like all.”
Thus, maybe I’m wasting my time hoping to handle this type of competitive industry. Wait! Do they offer Emmys into gaffers? What’s a gaffer anyway? What about boy? That sounds just like some thing that I will really do. The nominations for Best Boy are…